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When I was younger I was suicidal. I almost did it, but God intervened and removed the desire to take my life. However, I struggled for a long time with how I could do such a thing if I was a Christian.
Years later I was finally able to forgive myself for wanting to commit suicide by reading Romans and listening to Moody Radio. Then one day the Holy Spirit stirred my heart to share my experience with a 16-year-old church volunteer. I walked over, introduced myself and said, “I used to be suicidal, but I finally reconciled with God. For some reason, I felt like God wanted me to share that with you.” He smiled, saying, “Thanks for sharing. Have a good day.” As I was walking away, the young man came after me and said, “Wait, don't go, I’ve been there—I AM THERE.”
I didn’t know how to handle the moment. But then I remembered all that God had poured into me through His Word, church, and radio programs like Bold Steps. After sharing tears and prayers, the young man decided to seek additional help.
I found out one week later that young man was going to hang himself that Sunday morning. He had bargained with God, saying, “I’ll go to church one last time. If no one comes up to me and mentions suicide, I’ll know that You don't care, and I am going to finish it.”
God had both of us in His gracious, loving arms that day, and a life was saved. THAT is what bold steps can do!
I recently started a men’s ministry in our church. I invited the men in our congregation and many nonchurch-going friends to watch the Walk Worthy Men’s Conference online. With all of the positive feedback and interest, I felt compelled to meet the need for just such a vital ministry in my community. We’re in our fourth month of our study “Kingdom Men Rising” with Dr. Tony Evans. We all want to be used by God for the advancement of His kingdom.
When I was a young man I had to make the tough decision to separate from one of my closest friends. He was not following God and was a stumbling block in my life. We had attended the same Christian school, but I was blind to the fact that he was bad for me. It took the influence of another close friend who would later become my wife, to show me that he was not right for my walk with Christ. Fifteen years later I am the head deacon at my church and have been married for 13 years with four beautiful daughters. Had I not separated from this friend, my life would have been completely different.
I have always had a pretty good life, but in my early 40s a lot of things started happening. I first started drinking to sleep, then to numb the pain, and then because I didn’t want to live anymore.
Thankfully, God did not let me die. Because it was so easy to drink at home, I felt like God was saying, “You need to leave the four walls of your house.” I wasn’t able to do this on my own, but only after losing my apartment and both of my jobs in the same six-week period.
Since then, I’ve been studying and meditating on 2 Timothy 1:7 that speaks of the power, love, and sound mind God has promised us in Christ. I’ve taken a bold step by starting to write a book on fear from all that I’ve learned about living victoriously. Thank you for what you do and the boldness you are inspiring in me!
This past weekend I was baptized. This was a bold step for me, as I have only been going to church since January. I also joined a small group, and I am going to be a volunteer and help serve at my church. I also just finished the book Unstuck: Out of Your Cave, Into Your Call. This is another bold step for me because I don’t read books—but I really enjoyed it. Thank you, Pastor Jobe, for being such an inspiration and helping me on my journey.
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